Descartes got it partially right when he said “I think
therefore I am.” I've written in a couple of other postings that what limits me is
not who I think I am but who I think I am not. This notion can be taken as a
practical way of exploring and understanding the power of containment.
When explaining what I mean by containment I’ve also used
the word boundary. I can also use the word context. With either of these
synonyms – containment, boundary or context – I’m describing a framework or
container that holds the content of my life. This “content” includes not only
the physical or material content. It also includes the content of my being…such things as my behavior, my
language patterns, my way of viewing the world, my beliefs, and my values and
mores. These “things” are highly personal and their meaning, definition and
power are determined by the frame in which they reside. It is the frame – the
containment field, the boundary or the context – that is of interest for our
growth and for our capacity for keeping our ideals in motion. My ideals are
made up of a lot of content. Viewed from the vantage point of today, my ideals
may seem impractical or even impossible. For them to become part of my reality
something has to change.
I’ll give you a simple example of why paying attention to
our containment fields are so crucial. About 14 years ago my wife and I were in
the market for a new house. We’d recently been married and the houses we each
owned weren’t suitable, for a variety of reasons, for the life we were creating
together. Being prudent and fiscally responsible we (read “I”) quickly
established the maximum price we could afford to pay and we (read "she") set out
searching. That’s when reality reared its head. What our ideal was and what our
budget was were seemingly as much of a mismatch as oil and water. The easy and practical thing to do was lower our expectations. Interestingly, for both of us
that option wasn’t acceptable. This resulted in a bit of a dilemma and set in
motion a fascinating process that resulted in me shifting my sense of identity.
Identity is one of the major containment fields for human beings. It is my
sense of who I am and it's that sense that determines what content is practical and “appropriate” for me. By
not giving up on our ideal I forced a change in my sense of who I am. I
expanded; I stretched the containment boundary of my identity. Up to that point a
portion of my identity was defined by me
as including a certain income level. It was a comfortable level but it didn’t
allow for the experience I desired to create with this new house. Buying the house wasn't practical. It was a huge stretch. I had no idea how we were going to pay for it - I just knew that it wouldn't be a problem. Expanding the boundary of my identity allowed me to include more of what my ideal represented. I challenged who I thought I wasn't.
Here's our challenge as a society: shift the question we've all lived with - "who do we think we are?"
The question we need to be asking is "who do we think we're not?"
