I was recently asked by a client how realistic it was to expect to be able to influence a change in the culturally tolerated behavior of others in their company - particularly the type of behavior that was considered reactive and demeaning. Behavior that was counter to an ideal that had been identified as being desired.
It's a great question because it's a universal question. We all at some time have wanted to - let's be honest - change what we perceive as the "negative" behavior of others. Can it be done? Because behavior is learned I hold that the answer is "yes". Is it easy? Not a chance.
The Arbinger Institute's book "Leadership and Self-Deception" speaks about a phenomenon that they call being "in the box". The short version is that when I am "in the box" of my own beliefs and assumptions I am unable to notice alternative ways of responding and behaving in the world. By being "in the box" I am also unable to move in a way that can encourage or enable others to get out of their own boxes. If I am able to get out of my box I have greater resources (choices) available to me and can respond differently than I may otherwise have done. The great advantage is that, when considered in light of systems theory, a simple and sustained move out of my box requires the sysytem of which I am a part to shift to accomodate my new behaviors. This is due to the simple fact that systems will always seek stasis or balance (think of a mobile - when one part of the mobile moves all other parts must then move).
In this way, one individual getting out of their box begins a process of impacting a whole system that is made up of individuals. The other individuals may never get out of their boxes but the way they behave is impacted. I influence - change - other's behavior by being aware and by using my increased awareness to model the change I want to create. In Gandhi's words, I must first become the change I want to produce in the world. What could be more ideal?
